Thursday, January 28, 2010
Pre-op dieting and reading material
What better things to contemplate pre-herniated umbilicus repair surgery other than
a) what trash mags to buy while I recover on the couch
b) what foodstuffs and vino to enjoy "significantly" before the post 12 am fast period begins
So, first for you novices of the herniated - what the H-E- "double hockey sticks" is a herniated umbilicus? Well, it's an outie on crack after the natural childbirth of second pregnancy, but 5 years along. Imagine a soft squishy blob of dough where your belly button should be.
Second - why does it need "repair"? apparently, because what usually fits in between most peoples' perfectly parallel abdominal muscles (yes, you have one set on the left, and one on the right - thankfully, my pregnancies destroyed that boundary- it's called diastasis recti - always so scatalogical, those medical terms...no?) can turn into a herniated umbilicus. Men do not suffer such embarassments. Their abs grow "more distinguished". No, wait, that is their grey hair. My apologies to mens' abs everywhere.
Frankly, I am with you when you say, yawn, who cares? Boring! Life is full of bigger problems than your pathetic post-partum-natal baby 5 yrs. later crap. True enough. In fact, my colleague Lisa reminded me today I don't have it so bad- in fact - I am LUCKY - she had a friend after two kids is now incontinent in a wheelchair - turns out there was some genetic disposition to some debilitating disease than crushes spines in childbirth.
Ok, truthfully, I sort of felt bad, but mostly I thought - Wow, are you ever mean to me!!! I am going to have my outie turned innie and I can't eat or drink ANYTHING including chew gum or drink water after 12:00 am.
So - stupidly, tonight instead of my faves - you know, some fantastic steak and risotto with a wonderful reduction, I made...tacos for the kids. Thursdays are transition night from one night to another, and I try to facilitate a smooth transition. Except the kids were 1) out cold on the couch since one got up at 4 ish and crawled into bed with daddy, but tossed and turned instead; and 2) had a massive OMG mum is having surgery tomorrow and i can't deal headache. Thus leaving me and Mike to say "Wow, sure like the refried beans as well as the guacamole. Thank God the cheese comes pre-grated these days. You?"
Ack - 9:55 pm.
So to keep my mind off lack of food - which really, is absurd, since I could stand to lose about 10 lbs - ok, 20 lbs - I will tell my mag store pics....
InStyle - Love Your Shape - I secretly want to know what goes on in Heidi and Seal's house
Harper's - Carbon Trading Dummie - bought this because I wan to know what the "dark side - aka other team" thinks about carbon offsets - intel on the enemy is always useful
Toronto Life - bought for the "bedbugs ruined my life" article - welcome back to 1850
and finally.....drumroll please
National Geographic - entitled "Polygamy in America" the dirty old basterd on the cover claiming to have 5 wives, 46 children - well, there's a surprise. Goooooolllly....
Wish me luck
I am off to gobble and guzzle pre surgery