Saturday, October 16, 2010

A bit more lightness

I awoke refreshed, happy. Our bedroom can have that effect - full sun - crystal in the window refracting beams all over the room. I was a lot less sore. Last night I was worried I would sleep at all frankly - and moved through the various spaces in the dark, trying to find a comfortable spot. I ended up in Naomi's tent onthe top floor - surrounded by little pink pillows, sheltered.  I slept with a heart shaped pillow from my nephews under the arm - and drifted off.  I movd back into my bed about 6, in time for the sunrise.  

Upon waking, and thinking through some of the conversations I have had this past week, and after reading the Globe (love the new look Cath!) I think the world is seriously a messed up place, but despite the mile wide and high pile of crap it is in some places, in others it is rampant with joy.

  • So Rob Ford might be mayor, because Torontonians might be mad enough - but miraculously, 33 Chilean miners resurfaced from deep within the earth to their loved ones. After a horrible, period of darkness.
  • So Barack Obama's half brother might be a polygamist, marrying, oh, again - but Obama is still the president.  Imagine THOSE family dinners.
  • People die in armed conflict everyday -for their causes, real, or imagined, and kids kill each other, like say the teenagers in Cape Dorset these past weeks - but the the World Vision catalog comes and Owen deems it is "Givin Time Again!" . A lovely moment indeed.
There is sin and redemption and hatred and love, sickness and health intermingled in a big ole mish mash all around us everyday.

I was speaking via email with a great old friend who - metaporically - has been through the wars. Her sage advice to ponder when dealing with such travesties:

I have always wondered about the terminology of "battling" cancer, "putting up a good fight" , "conquering" etc. It implies a kind of rigidity, a kind of.... aggression? It sounds so draining to me. Since I am not going through it I can't say really what metaphor might work better, but what about thinking cancer like an unwanted guest? I have been practising this with grief. When it descends on me I recognize a strong urge to fight it back but have learned to "attend, befriend, surrender". This doesn't imply that we make ourselves into the Hilton for these guests but we do not fight what we cannot change. This is not to say that you don't do everything humanly possible to heal into full vibrancy, but the posture we hold internally is one of hope, love and lightness - not strapping ourselves into heavy artillery gear. We can still get angry, throw pillows etc. (my friend Sue used to tell me to talk to Death, get to know it a bit more - I found this helpful too - I had a lot of vitriol let me tell you).

I am unwilling to talk to Death,in fact, he is not welcome here. But I take the point about heavy artillery.

With a bit more lightness,



Anonymous said...

To play with the idea of death a little bit more:

What if Death is not our greatest enemy - that which must be feared and shunned - but our dearest ally? Is it not Death that allows us to see Life? Is it not just when Death is near that all our being becomes heightened, laser-sharp, to the stupendous Mystery that we are all a part of?

Death walks with each of us from the day of our birth, mostly quietly giving us the chance to experience our Selves as separate, free. But then sometimes Death is a more demanding presence that hones our sense of interconnectedness. Death slows us down, causes us to reflect, causes us to see what was once obscure. Death becomes a mirror for our inner Selves.

To truly live we must befriend Death. Death, as an acknowledged companion, brings us to true life.


Kristine said...

After hearing your results on Friday I spent 4 angry miles on the trail picturing Javier Bardem in No Country for Old Men and visualizing myself kicking the shit out of him in a variety of ghastly ways...didn't know I was capable of such violence...but it was very satisfying and didn't slow me down at all...I say embrace what you are feeling moment to moment and allow yourself to get it off your chest, even if it means imagining you are stepping on a very pretty face.