Monday, June 27, 2011

The business of getting well

Today was the first week day in oh, ten months, where I had nothing to do related to cancer.

I awoke, dressed, got the kids to school, and promptly went back to bed.
How awesome. How beautiful. No TTC rides to PMH for zapping. No 3.5 iso, gantry up max, 11 cm. covering and clearing. Bing bong bing bong. Zap.

I have a darkening burn on my chest, brown, which may even turn black. But it is the last and final assault. Word to your mother - don't suntan. It will get you. It hurts when it burns. Seriously. And stop smoking.

Now I focus on recovering from, well, all of it. My brain is at about 55% capacity. My body is sore. Doctors says 6-8 weeks to recover from the radiation alone. But the getting well again, to become whole - well, it will take some doing.

My nails are growing out - normal, real nails. All the flaking and chipping chunks are done. I am still in the slow process of losing one toenail, but in the scheme of sweat.

My hair, while currently Annie Lennox blond, I think is going to be black...weird. My Grocery gateway delivery guy, Pete, he called it. I think he may even have money on it. But I will take it any way it comes.

Really, I did not know how this part would play out - worry, fear, what next - but I admit that a part of my brain has blocked out the worry part for now and I am jubilant. triumphant. proud. happy. I want to seize every friggin happy second. It's like (I expect tho have no empirical evidence) crack.

Also, there is a clear vibrancy from the children too - spilling over with good will, humour, joy. They know the ordeal is now over. They feel it in their bones. They see me creeping back to life. They literally covet and grasp, hug and kiss. Some of Naomi's little friends too - they are openly affectionate and concerned, and give me the love every time, every morning, and every afternoon.

I recently took on the Art a la Carte program at school, as therapy for myself - part of my own "back to wellness" program. It gets me up, moving, using my brains to plan and execute an event, even a small one. My mother in law helps, and it is a pleasant if hectic hour of our lives. Imagine, 20 kids, colouring, painting, glueing, creating. This past week - garden tiles. Just seeing the little blank slates turning all shades of colour, and every hue, then Ah! the magic of UV resistant acrylic spray allows their work to glow brightly and remain stable, so Norway school mummies can put them in their garden - ok, it was their idea!? Sorry daddies.

Today I could hear the entire child population of Norway school having their "play day". Games, sports, singing, dancing, silliness. The entire population of 300+ divided into teams - of all ages, with big helping little. All I could hear was glee. [Yes, we live right across the street from the school]. It literally got me out of bed, and over there to witness it. Hugs from the kids. Freezie smiles.

The road ahead - so far, I don't know. I doubt I ever will. But I am right here, right now. It is a verdant bower, if a little "hot" in certain spots.

xo KO


Anonymous said...

Thank you thank you thank you for sharing the "high". Love, smiles, hugs and kisses from all of us too. V,S,A,I,J xxxxx

Holly said...


I am so happy and proud that you've made it through this journey. You so deserve all the love, laughs and good times ahead.

Drop me a line when you're not enjoying your new found freedom.

Miss you lots - Holly

Auntie Cake's Shop said...

Thank you Holly and Val!!!
Holly will be in touch soon xo