Thursday, October 13, 2011

Upright

Hi folks, Kate here.Bedraggled, haggard, but kickin around. I wore clothes other than pyjamas too  - no wait, that was yesterday.

Today the roller-coaster ride took a deep dip, and was not good. Unpleasant. Physically renting asunder stuff. It is a humiliating physical experience, or perhaps, I should view it more as humbling.

Yesterday, there was no need of roller-coaster metaphor, and it was a good day all around.

Stephanie is here (my sister, from Raleigh, NC, leaving her own life behind for an entire week- karmic debt to universe paid in full) and has been an unbelievable help. Holding my hand, wiping a tear, making me laugh, taking the kids to the dentist....the list  is too long, and I  know there is a high price for this much coveted visit on her part.

And also, once again mercifully, the list of people is long, who lovingly and graciously, generously, provide for me and mine, on so many levels:

Food - ok, my friends can cook!
Love - in ample amounts, at every turn
Thoughts, prayers - in person, over the phone, internet, in the mail....
Mini-visits - really, the only way to describe the lovely little drop ins, check in calls, messages. I really appreciate it SO much. I feel the love. It's awesome.

When I feel super crappy, I roll a film I have made up in my head - simple really, all of you out there, each one waving and smiling at me, each on your own little screen shot. It is a sunny bright day, and you are back-lit by sun, in a lovely green space. There is a breeze in the trees behind you, and you look straight into the camera, and give me your best. There are some goofy grins and some shy smiles. It helps me through some dark spots, this film. It has endless frames of delightful countenances.

So, no more chemo till the 24th, and hopefully lots of rest and feeling ok in between. I swear, I feel the tumour is smaller today.

xo KO


3 comments:

Anonymous said...

YES YES YES! All good. Just 9 more sleeps :-) xoxoxo

Anonymous said...

Hi Kate
Such mixed feelings reading your words, want to have all of the discomfort behind you, wish for smooth sailing, easy breathing. BUT your wonderful attitude- it is a thing of beauty. And I'm so glad that you feel all of the love and postive thoughs directed to you, they really are. And thanks for posting on a down day, all of the posts and facebook notes are coveted by your friends and family- we want to know how you are doing! Your sis sounds like a gem. You are so lucky. xoxox love
Tiina

Anonymous said...

Kate & Michael
The amazing love you share will get you through this terrible time and out into that beautiful place that you see all of you friends and supporters in. We are waiting for you. Heard a Christina McBride song last weekend "I'm gonna love you through it" and it brought tears. Don't want to make you cry but listen to it when you think you can as it captures the kind of love and support that you two share that will help weather this particular storm. There is a reason why you both have such support from all of us - you are terrific people who did not deserve (but who does really) this to happen; but you have dealt with it with grace and courage. You should not have to deal with it twice but the universe is totally unfair. Guess you figured that out on your own...

Thank you for letting us know how you are doing - good or bad - we really want to know.

If collective will has any force at all, we are gonna beat this with you.

Lynne