** Tomorrow (Jan 20), Kate has her final "big" dose of chemotherapy. Next Friday (Jan 27), Kate has her final final (small) dose of chemotherapy.
The problem with plans, Owen said a couple of years ago, is that they change.
Well, yes. They do, don't they?
And dealing with change is a challenge for Owen, as it is for all of us, more or less.
So I'd like to dedicate this post to Heiko, who passed away (I choose to be euphemistic) a number of years ago, from cancer in his brain, at the age of four.
His parents took him to the hospital thinking it was something else, but it was the unimaginable. And the unimaginable happened, later.
We are by no means ready to let go of Kate. We are keeping her and enjoying her and laughing and traveling and biting richly into every sandwich.
I was at PMH today, meeting with my psychiatrist, and it was a rich conversation. We are at a rich point in life. One must acknowledge such things. Such opportunities don't come along every day.
I have said to people recently that cancer has made our lives generally better, while also making them specifically worse. We know the value of every moment. When we laugh, we mean it. When we see each other in need, we attend to it. We know no superficialities.
We would like others to know such purpose of meaning also. Hopefully, we don't mean this selfishly, or narcissistically. We are going through something profound; you don't need to share the depths of this experience; but I do think we would like you to know the depth of life's meaning.
It is about sharing and caring and being in the moment, whatever that moment is.
This past week, Kate and I started an 8-week mindful meditation workshop. www.mindfulnessmeditationtoronto.com. And so I found myself in a room with a dozen women, most of whom were there for "stress relief," except for Kate, who told the group bluntly that she had cancer, and then there was silence.
I just said I was there because I was married to "her," pointing.
We laughed and a few others did, too. What else is life for?
Breathe, the instructor said. And we did.
In, out, in, out, in, out. Repeat.